Sunday, May 10, 2015

My Mother and Me

Little me on my mother's lap.
My mother and I had an uneasy relationship.  Perhaps I was a squirrely, cantankerous child.  Or perhaps my mom had concerns and challenges of her own to deal with, unknown to me. 

Mom was very strict.  She was all about obedient children and being an in-control parent.  Immediate obedience was expected.  She was also a reserved and private person who rarely shared her thoughts or emotions.  Expressions of feeling were out of the question in our home, especially tears of anger or sadness.  The loving hugs and smiles of encouragement a child loves came from my grandmother but rarely from my mother. 

Whatever the facts of either of our personalities and lives, I grew to adulthood wondering if my mother really loved me.  She and my father provided food, clothing, shelter, order, and the teachings of right and wrong, but children don't always see those as evidence of love.  Sometimes we don't recognize that as love until we're parents ourselves. 

The joy I see in Mom's face in the photo at left, taken half a decade before I was born, was a very rare sight to my childhood eyes.  I don't know when or why the joy dissolved.

It's taken me years to come to terms with my feelings toward my mom and my perception of how she mothered me.  I've learned -- and continue to learn -- to give the benefit of the doubt to others in situations where I don't understand the other person's behavior and/or am hurt by it.  That perspective sometimes takes me longer to reach than other times, but I always get there.  With my mother, it comes down to believing she did the best she could at the time.  Aren't we all doing that?  I suppose none of us are as good as we hope we'll one day be.  And in the end, isn't the best we can do at the moment all we can do?

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!  I love you.

--Nancy.

Copyright © 2015 Nancy Messier. All Rights Reserved.

6 comments:

  1. I totally hear your thoughts on having an uneasy relationship with you mom! Wonderful blog post!

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    1. Thanks, Dorene. I read so many bloggers' accolades about their mothers that I hesitated to publish this post. I suspect there are others for which a similar situation might ring true, too.

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  2. This was probably a hard post to write and you wrote it well.

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    1. Thanks, Carol. It would have been impossible to write 15 years ago but it wasn't so difficult now. I guess coming to terms with and forgiving any hurts has made it easier.

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  3. This is a beautiful reflection on the mother-child relationship that we can all relate to on some level. As adults and as parents, we can understand that our parents' parenting was probably a reaction to their own upbringing. Their own joys and disappointments and struggles just played into everyday living. That you came out the other end with such a kind and generous attitude says a lot for your mother and father.

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    1. Thanks, Wendy. I don't think we ever know what others are going through, at least not exactly, and when someone doesn't share thoughts and feelings it's even more difficult to understand. "Coming out the other end" has taken a while but I'm grateful to be here.

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