Remembering Mom, Mother's Day, 2019

Being my mother's daughter was not usually easy.  By the time I knew her -- that is, by the time I was aware of her as an individual, perhaps when I was 5 or 6 -- the joy I see in photographs that were taken when she was younger -- a young adult, wife, mother, and even when I was a young child -- had seeped away.  It was as if she had wrapped herself in a protective cloak to keep others from getting too close, from knowing her well, to keep her thoughts, emotions, and worries bound tightly inside.  Perhaps having the unwanted third child precipitated this change.  No matter the cause, she was not outwardly affectionate, nor was she one to offer praise.  Doing well, doing the right thing, and doing it without being asked were expected and, therefore, not reasons for praise or even comment.  Her children were not pampered in any way.  Sometimes I wondered if I was really loved.

Though not a perfectionist, she was exacting and particular, especially when it came to her children's choices and decisions.  I think she didn't want us to make mistakes and so there were narrow, specific, and definite boundaries.  She generally made the decisions, both large and small – decisions that would have helped a child learn, grow, and develop decision-making skills.

Having said all that, I believe she did what she thought was the right and best thing to do for her husband and children.  I believe she had our best interests at heart.  I have to believe she did the best she could in her situation.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

This post is a contribution for Amy Johnson Crow's 2019 version of 52 Ancestors.  The post topic for the week was "Nurture."

--Nancy.

This is an edited and updated version of a post originally published on May 13, 2012.
Copyright ©2012-2018, Nancy Messier.  All Rights Reserved.  
Do not copy or use any content from this blog without written permission of the owner. 
.